Har Har Har

by David Rovics

/
1.
I woke up one day Kissed my teddy on her head I pulled off the covers And I rolled out of bed But then I looked at my feet And I had to close my eyes Because what I saw Was just too much of a surprise My bed was far below me And I was nowhere near It was on the ground While I was way up here Looking way down there It was such a funny feeling The day I rolled out of bed And I landed on the ceiling What goes up must come down Or so I have heard it said But I guess sometimes what goes down Must go up instead I tried to take a step But it wasn't going well I put one foot forward And then suddenly I fell I got back on my feet But I was not on the floor I was walking on the ceiling Right out my bedroom door I walked into the living room My mom was sitting there Suddenly she started howling It was just too much to bear Something's very wrong! My mom shouted with a stare "I am on the ground But you are in the air!" "Can I have a glass of soy milk, I'm thirsty way up here" My mommy gave it to me With a whimper and a tear I brought the cup up to my lips To drink a big old slug But it poured out from the mug And landed on the rug My mother stood up on a chair And grabbed me by the hand And what happened then I may never understand She pulled me to the floor And that's where I did stay But I never will forget What I learned on that day
2.
I live in the city I travel on the subway That is how I get around Usually once or twice a day It can be kinda dull Til one day that all changed When I was a-riding on a roller-coaster train I don't know quite what happened But something surely did The businessman beside me And his coffee flipped its lid Normal operations Just went right down the drain When I was a-riding on a roller-coaster train Normally the subway Just goes straight ahead But that day it went side to side And around it quickly sped Suitcases were flying And they came down like the rain When I was a-riding on a roller-coaster train It was not a good day To be eating chicken soup 'Cause that train went up and it went down And then it did a loop I swear to you that morning Was really quite insane When I was a-riding on a roller-coaster train First it turned a corner Then it turned around Next thing we all knew We were upside-down Someone's groceries were airborne And out flew a candy cane When I was a-riding on a roller-coaster train I had coffee on my pants Chicken soup upon my cheek By the time the subway stopped I felt Just a little weak And there was a woozy feeling Somewhere in my brain When I finally got off of that roller-coaster train
3.
When I came outta my momma They cut my umbilical cord I thought hey man what are you doing And I let out a mighty roar I got my first piercing When they stabbed me with a pin Pumped me full of something And hit me in the shin Ever since that moment I've just been full of scorn I've been a punk rock baby Since the day that I was born I got my first mohawk At the age of one Stole my old man's razor And then the job was done I got a leather jacket At the age of two Then I put spikes all over it With some super glue I started scratching at my pants Until they were all torn I've been a punk rock baby Since the day that I was born I picked up my first electric guitar At the age of three Turned the volume up Just as high as it could be I yelled into the mike About all the things I felt About this nasty world And the cards we'd all been dealt About the toxic sludge That made me angry and forlorn I've been a punk rock baby Since the day that I was born I dropped out of nursery school At the age of four I said hey this place is boring I am going out the door I headed straight downtown Sat down in the park Met some other punks Stayed out til way past dark Partied til the dawn Came back home in the morn I've been a punk rock baby Since the day that I was born I moved into a squat At the age of five Behind the barricades I waited For the cops to arrive I climbed onto the roof and said Here's where I'm gonna stay And I'm gonna be a rebel Until I'm old and gray Between the toes of your establishment I'll always be a thorn I've been a punk rock baby Since the day that I was born
4.
I was hungry one afternoon I asked my daddy for some fruit He said wait just a sec I've got just the fruit to suit He went out and he came back With a grapefruit so he said But I tell you that that grapefruit Was bigger than my head He handed it to me But that fruit just wouldn't stay That's why this is the story Of the fruit that got away That fruit it started bouncing And it bounced right down the stairs Two, four, six, eight, ten It bounced down the stairs in pairs Then what happened next I could not believe my eyes It flew out through the window And into the clear blue skies Oh my that fruit is flying I heard somebody say That's why this is the story Of the fruit that got away If this story seems surreal now Then hold on to your seat 'Cause what happened next Is a challenge to repeat You might not believe this It seems awfully weird But that grapefruit sprouted wings And then it grew a little beard It flew off into the sunset And never came back since that day That's why this is the story Of the fruit that got away
5.
I walked outside one day And a man was standing there He had a great big beard And lots and lots of hair He said won't you come down to the shore And join my jolly crew And we'll wander round the world Beneath the skies of blue We'll sail upon the seven seas Travel near and far Take from the rich and give to the poor And say har, har, har, har We'll go out on the ocean And when the coast is clear We'll eat birthday cake Each day of the year We'll land on a little island And then we'll form a choir Blow on whistles and kazoos And dance around a fire Chorus If we see the Navy We will shout with pride We are scary hairy pirates So you better run and hide We'll stamp our feet upon the floor And our peg legs too We'll take your stolen treasure 'Cause that's what pirates do
6.
7.
Boogers 02:16
I came down with a cold Now it's getting pretty old I'm so tired of feeling this a-way I don't know what to do I just wish it would be through And I could just wake up another day I'm just dragging all around I get up and then fall down Being sick really is no fun But what makes me feel so grimy Is how everything gets slimy When my nostrils just run run run (run run) 'Cause I got boogers in my nose I got boogers in my toes I got boogers boogers boogers in my hair I got boogers on my cheeks They been sittin' there for weeks I got boogers boogers boogers everywhere As the days went by I began to wonder why It had to be me to have this curse When I hoped things would get better They just got slimier and wetter Oh yes and the boogers just got worse Chorus I know someday this will end And I'll make it 'round the bend And I won't have this stupid cold no more But until that good day comes I'll be dripping from my gums And my boogers will be running out the door
8.
9.
I know some kids who have two moms Others who have one I know some kids who have two dads Others who have none Now if they love their kids That's the real test But I'll tell you what I think Is the very best I have got two mommies But I'll tell you what is more I also have two daddies And I think I'll keep all four Kids ask me how this happened It's a little hard to say All that I can tell them Is I really like it just this way 'Cause you know sometimes Three of them are busy But then there's always one Who can come and play with me Chorus Now sometimes life is hard As everybody knows Sometimes things don't go your way That's just the way it goes But with two mommies and two daddies The skies are always bright There's always one to cheer me up And make everything alright Chorus
10.
Bullies 03:03
I went to play at the playground To do things I like so much Run with my friends, play make believe Swing on the swings and such But this morning I went to the playground And bullies were guarding the swings They knocked over the slide, dumped out the sandbox Took away all of our things This playground is run by bullies And they're all so big and mean But this playground was made for all of us And we're gonna change this scene Now all of us were scared of the bullies They were so big and we were so small Til somebody said if we organized We could be ten feet tall We stood on each other's shoulders Put blankets over our heads We looked like monsters and we roared like lions And those bullies ran home and hid under their beds Chorus Well we got that playground back But then we looked across the street Saw the sewage plant belching out smoke Poisoning the ground under our feet It's giving us all asthma And the hour is getting late So we all marched across the way And blocked the factory gate 'Cause this world is run by bullies...
11.
I'm gonna fly up in the sky (3x) I'm gonna fly up there so high I'm gonna fly above the moon And I might not come back soon I'm gonna fly way out to Mars Just me, Mars and the stars I'm gonna head up to Saturn's rings I'm gonna see all kinds of things I'm gonna spin thru space to Pluto So many places I'll go I'm gonna dance upon the frozen ground Dance, dance all around I'll look down at the Earth, it's green and blue I'm gonna look down right at you I'm gonna fly back home and go to bed With a pillow underneath my head
12.
Most kids go to school And I thik that's OK But it seems awfully boring To be sitting there all day 1+1 is 2 2+2 is 4 A-B-C-D-E-F-G I think I know the score (But) I know what I want to do I have got a plan I'll travel 'round the world In my daddy's camper van At home things can get dull Walking to the park Reading stories before bedtime Turning lights out after dark On the road it's different We stay up late at night Gazing at the stars And sleeping 'neath the moonlight Chorus We'll travel to the mountains And ride on to the sea Walking in the forests Just my dad and me We'll go to the cities With people all around Then we'll go skipping with coyotes In the hills outside of town Chorus
13.
When I was a little kid I was kinda small A bit bigger than a grasshopper Maybe two feet tall So when I had to use the john I'd get up with a hop Plant my feet upon the toilet seat And I'd squat on top This usually worked just fine But one day I ate some spicy curry And to get on that toilet I was in a hurry I jumped onto the toilet Things were coming along just swell But then -- oops -- I lost my balance And suddenly I fell Don't fall into the toilet It's not where you want to be Don't fall into the toilet When it is filled with pee Don't fall into the toilet Whatever else you do Don't fall into the toilet When it's full of poo Well I like to play in water Oh yes for goodness\' sake The ocean or a river A hot tub or a lake But if you want to take a swim I'd try hard to avoid Swimming in the water Where your poop has been deployed Chorus Well if you like to splash around Then you and I agree You can splash inside the bath tub Or in the deep blue sea One important rule Don't go splashing in the same place You deposited your stool Chorus
14.
I'm so tired of grownups telling me What I'm supposed to do today Do this, do that, do the other thing That's almost all they ever say I'm so tired of sitting in school all day It just seems so wrong I wanna get out and live my life So I think I'll say so long I'm running away (4x) I'm so sick of grownups acting like They know what's best for me Ordering the kids all over the place When they should just let us be I never wanna hear them say again This is for your own good And when they find my bedroom empty I hope that's understood I'm running away I'm going where the grass is always green Where the kids can run and shout Where the grownups generally understand What life is all about Where we eat and sleep and read and play Whenever we feel like And if any grownup misbehaves We tell 'em to take a hike I'm running away
15.
Owl Dream 02:48
Last night I dreamed I lay in bed When an owl came to my windowsill She spread her wings and touched my cheek That dream I remember still She touched me and I floated up And drifted with the breeze Out the window, in the air Just above the trees From up above I looked below And saw my family Then we flew off into the night Just that owl and me That owl and I went through the clouds Oh, we flew so high Around the moon and back again Just that owl and I The owl said "hoo" and then I was Standing in my room Looking out the window at The shining of the moon I went to bed and closed my eyes And slept all through the night I dreamed of the moon and how it was Such a beautiful sight
16.
Together 02:58
I was hanging with my friends We were by a lake It seemed like a perfect place To take a little break We wandered 'round the lake Then we saw a boat We thought that we should just See if it might float I was trying hard to push it But that boat wouldn't budge Then two of us were pushing it Trying very hard to trudge But that boat wasn't moving Til I came up with a plan We'll all push it in together Together, yes we can If we all push together (3x) We can take that boat to sea We got that boat into the water But when I tried to nake it go That thing just went in circles No matter how much I did row But when we got it all together With two oars on either side We were really cruisin' We had such a good old ride When we all row together (3x) We can take that boat to sea We came upon an island And we thought we'd spend the night Go back home the next day By the morning light Now we knew what to do To bring the boat back onto land We all grabbed the rope And pulled together hand in hand If we all pull together (3x) We can take that boat to shore

about

My first CD of children's songs, which initially came out in 2008.

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released July 16, 2015

Recorded, mixed and mastered at Big Red Studio with Billy Oskay at the helm. Russell Gores, Allegra Swanson, and Kris Deelane played all the other instruments. (I sang and played the guitar.)

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David Rovics Portland, Oregon

I'm a frequently touring singer/songwriter based in Portland, Oregon, a regular contributor to Counterpunch, and host of the podcast, This Week with David Rovics, among other things.

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