Har Har Har

by David Rovics

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about

My first CD of children's songs, which initially came out in 2008.

credits

released July 16, 2015

Recorded, mixed and mastered at Big Red Studio with Billy Oskay at the helm. Russell Gores, Allegra Swanson, and Kris Deelane played all the other instruments. (I sang and played the guitar.)

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about

David Rovics Portland, Oregon

"Absolutely brilliant. David Rovics says exactly what needs to be said."
Ian McMillan, BBC

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Track Name: Walking on the Ceiling
I woke up one day
Kissed my teddy on her head
I pulled off the covers
And I rolled out of bed
But then I looked at my feet
And I had to close my eyes
Because what I saw
Was just too much of a surprise

My bed was far below me
And I was nowhere near
It was on the ground
While I was way up here
Looking way down there
It was such a funny feeling
The day I rolled out of bed
And I landed on the ceiling

What goes up must come down
Or so I have heard it said
But I guess sometimes what goes down
Must go up instead

I tried to take a step
But it wasn't going well
I put one foot forward
And then suddenly I fell
I got back on my feet
But I was not on the floor
I was walking on the ceiling
Right out my bedroom door

I walked into the living room
My mom was sitting there
Suddenly she started howling
It was just too much to bear
Something's very wrong!
My mom shouted with a stare
"I am on the ground
But you are in the air!"

"Can I have a glass of soy milk,
I'm thirsty way up here"
My mommy gave it to me
With a whimper and a tear
I brought the cup up to my lips
To drink a big old slug
But it poured out from the mug
And landed on the rug

My mother stood up on a chair
And grabbed me by the hand
And what happened then
I may never understand
She pulled me to the floor
And that's where I did stay
But I never will forget
What I learned on that day
Track Name: Roller Coaster Train
I live in the city
I travel on the subway
That is how I get around
Usually once or twice a day
It can be kinda dull
Til one day that all changed
When I was a-riding on a roller-coaster train

I don't know quite what happened
But something surely did
The businessman beside me
And his coffee flipped its lid
Normal operations
Just went right down the drain
When I was a-riding on a roller-coaster train

Normally the subway
Just goes straight ahead
But that day it went side to side
And around it quickly sped
Suitcases were flying
And they came down like the rain
When I was a-riding on a roller-coaster train

It was not a good day
To be eating chicken soup
'Cause that train went up and it went down
And then it did a loop
I swear to you that morning
Was really quite insane
When I was a-riding on a roller-coaster train

First it turned a corner
Then it turned around
Next thing we all knew
We were upside-down
Someone's groceries were airborne
And out flew a candy cane
When I was a-riding on a roller-coaster train

I had coffee on my pants
Chicken soup upon my cheek
By the time the subway stopped I felt
Just a little weak
And there was a woozy feeling
Somewhere in my brain
When I finally got off of that roller-coaster train
Track Name: Punk Rock Baby
When I came outta my momma
They cut my umbilical cord
I thought hey man what are you doing
And I let out a mighty roar
I got my first piercing
When they stabbed me with a pin
Pumped me full of something
And hit me in the shin
Ever since that moment
I've just been full of scorn
I've been a punk rock baby
Since the day that I was born

I got my first mohawk
At the age of one
Stole my old man's razor
And then the job was done
I got a leather jacket
At the age of two
Then I put spikes all over it
With some super glue
I started scratching at my pants
Until they were all torn
I've been a punk rock baby
Since the day that I was born

I picked up my first electric guitar
At the age of three
Turned the volume up
Just as high as it could be
I yelled into the mike
About all the things I felt
About this nasty world
And the cards we'd all been dealt
About the toxic sludge
That made me angry and forlorn
I've been a punk rock baby
Since the day that I was born

I dropped out of nursery school
At the age of four
I said hey this place is boring
I am going out the door
I headed straight downtown
Sat down in the park
Met some other punks
Stayed out til way past dark
Partied til the dawn
Came back home in the morn
I've been a punk rock baby
Since the day that I was born

I moved into a squat
At the age of five
Behind the barricades I waited
For the cops to arrive
I climbed onto the roof and said
Here's where I'm gonna stay
And I'm gonna be a rebel
Until I'm old and gray
Between the toes of your establishment
I'll always be a thorn
I've been a punk rock baby
Since the day that I was born
Track Name: The Fruit That Got Away
I was hungry one afternoon
I asked my daddy for some fruit
He said wait just a sec
I've got just the fruit to suit
He went out and he came back
With a grapefruit so he said
But I tell you that that grapefruit
Was bigger than my head
He handed it to me
But that fruit just wouldn't stay
That's why this is the story
Of the fruit that got away

That fruit it started bouncing
And it bounced right down the stairs
Two, four, six, eight, ten
It bounced down the stairs in pairs
Then what happened next
I could not believe my eyes
It flew out through the window
And into the clear blue skies
Oh my that fruit is flying
I heard somebody say
That's why this is the story
Of the fruit that got away

If this story seems surreal now
Then hold on to your seat
'Cause what happened next
Is a challenge to repeat
You might not believe this
It seems awfully weird
But that grapefruit sprouted wings
And then it grew a little beard
It flew off into the sunset
And never came back since that day
That's why this is the story
Of the fruit that got away
Track Name: The Pirate Song
I walked outside one day
And a man was standing there
He had a great big beard
And lots and lots of hair
He said won't you come down to the shore
And join my jolly crew
And we'll wander round the world
Beneath the skies of blue

We'll sail upon the seven seas
Travel near and far
Take from the rich and give to the poor
And say har, har, har, har

We'll go out on the ocean
And when the coast is clear
We'll eat birthday cake
Each day of the year
We'll land on a little island
And then we'll form a choir
Blow on whistles and kazoos
And dance around a fire

Chorus

If we see the Navy
We will shout with pride
We are scary hairy pirates
So you better run and hide
We'll stamp our feet upon the floor
And our peg legs too
We'll take your stolen treasure
'Cause that's what pirates do
Track Name: Boogers
I came down with a cold
Now it's getting pretty old
I'm so tired of feeling this a-way
I don't know what to do
I just wish it would be through
And I could just wake up another day

I'm just dragging all around
I get up and then fall down
Being sick really is no fun
But what makes me feel so grimy
Is how everything gets slimy
When my nostrils just run run run (run run)

'Cause I got boogers in my nose
I got boogers in my toes
I got boogers boogers boogers in my hair
I got boogers on my cheeks
They been sittin' there for weeks
I got boogers boogers boogers everywhere

As the days went by
I began to wonder why
It had to be me to have this curse
When I hoped things would get better
They just got slimier and wetter
Oh yes and the boogers just got worse

Chorus

I know someday this will end
And I'll make it 'round the bend
And I won't have this stupid cold no more
But until that good day comes
I'll be dripping from my gums
And my boogers will be running out the door
Track Name: Two Mommies and Two Daddies
I know some kids who have two moms
Others who have one
I know some kids who have two dads
Others who have none
Now if they love their kids
That's the real test
But I'll tell you what I think
Is the very best

I have got two mommies
But I'll tell you what is more
I also have two daddies
And I think I'll keep all four

Kids ask me how this happened
It's a little hard to say
All that I can tell them
Is I really like it just this way
'Cause you know sometimes
Three of them are busy
But then there's always one
Who can come and play with me

Chorus

Now sometimes life is hard
As everybody knows
Sometimes things don't go your way
That's just the way it goes
But with two mommies and two daddies
The skies are always bright
There's always one to cheer me up
And make everything alright

Chorus
Track Name: Bullies
I went to play at the playground
To do things I like so much
Run with my friends, play make believe
Swing on the swings and such
But this morning I went to the playground
And bullies were guarding the swings
They knocked over the slide, dumped out the sandbox
Took away all of our things

This playground is run by bullies
And they're all so big and mean
But this playground was made for all of us
And we're gonna change this scene

Now all of us were scared of the bullies
They were so big and we were so small
Til somebody said if we organized
We could be ten feet tall
We stood on each other's shoulders
Put blankets over our heads
We looked like monsters and we roared like lions
And those bullies ran home and hid under their beds

Chorus

Well we got that playground back
But then we looked across the street
Saw the sewage plant belching out smoke
Poisoning the ground under our feet
It's giving us all asthma
And the hour is getting late
So we all marched across the way
And blocked the factory gate

'Cause this world is run by bullies...
Track Name: I'm Gonna Fly
I'm gonna fly up in the sky (3x)
I'm gonna fly up there so high

I'm gonna fly above the moon
And I might not come back soon

I'm gonna fly way out to Mars
Just me, Mars and the stars

I'm gonna head up to Saturn's rings
I'm gonna see all kinds of things

I'm gonna spin thru space to Pluto
So many places I'll go

I'm gonna dance upon the frozen ground
Dance, dance all around

I'll look down at the Earth, it's green and blue
I'm gonna look down right at you

I'm gonna fly back home and go to bed
With a pillow underneath my head
Track Name: Daddy's Camper Van
Most kids go to school
And I thik that's OK
But it seems awfully boring
To be sitting there all day
1+1 is 2
2+2 is 4
A-B-C-D-E-F-G
I think I know the score

(But) I know what I want to do
I have got a plan
I'll travel 'round the world
In my daddy's camper van

At home things can get dull
Walking to the park
Reading stories before bedtime
Turning lights out after dark
On the road it's different
We stay up late at night
Gazing at the stars
And sleeping 'neath the moonlight

Chorus

We'll travel to the mountains
And ride on to the sea
Walking in the forests
Just my dad and me
We'll go to the cities
With people all around
Then we'll go skipping with coyotes
In the hills outside of town

Chorus
Track Name: Don't Fall Into the Toilet
When I was a little kid
I was kinda small
A bit bigger than a grasshopper
Maybe two feet tall
So when I had to use the john
I'd get up with a hop
Plant my feet upon the toilet seat
And I'd squat on top

This usually worked just fine
But one day I ate some spicy curry
And to get on that toilet
I was in a hurry
I jumped onto the toilet
Things were coming along just swell
But then -- oops -- I lost my balance
And suddenly I fell

Don't fall into the toilet
It's not where you want to be
Don't fall into the toilet
When it is filled with pee
Don't fall into the toilet
Whatever else you do
Don't fall into the toilet
When it's full of poo

Well I like to play in water
Oh yes for goodness\' sake
The ocean or a river
A hot tub or a lake
But if you want to take a swim
I'd try hard to avoid
Swimming in the water
Where your poop has been deployed

Chorus

Well if you like to splash around
Then you and I agree
You can splash inside the bath tub
Or in the deep blue sea
One important rule
Don't go splashing in the same place
You deposited your stool

Chorus
Track Name: I'm Running Away
I'm so tired of grownups telling me
What I'm supposed to do today
Do this, do that, do the other thing
That's almost all they ever say
I'm so tired of sitting in school all day
It just seems so wrong
I wanna get out and live my life
So I think I'll say so long

I'm running away (4x)

I'm so sick of grownups acting like
They know what's best for me
Ordering the kids all over the place
When they should just let us be
I never wanna hear them say again
This is for your own good
And when they find my bedroom empty
I hope that's understood

I'm running away

I'm going where the grass is always green
Where the kids can run and shout
Where the grownups generally understand
What life is all about
Where we eat and sleep and read and play
Whenever we feel like
And if any grownup misbehaves
We tell 'em to take a hike

I'm running away
Track Name: Owl Dream
Last night I dreamed I lay in bed
When an owl came to my windowsill
She spread her wings and touched my cheek
That dream I remember still
She touched me and I floated up
And drifted with the breeze
Out the window, in the air
Just above the trees

From up above I looked below
And saw my family
Then we flew off into the night
Just that owl and me
That owl and I went through the clouds
Oh, we flew so high
Around the moon and back again
Just that owl and I

The owl said "hoo" and then I was
Standing in my room
Looking out the window at
The shining of the moon
I went to bed and closed my eyes
And slept all through the night
I dreamed of the moon and how it was
Such a beautiful sight
Track Name: Together
I was hanging with my friends
We were by a lake
It seemed like a perfect place
To take a little break
We wandered 'round the lake
Then we saw a boat
We thought that we should just
See if it might float

I was trying hard to push it
But that boat wouldn't budge
Then two of us were pushing it
Trying very hard to trudge
But that boat wasn't moving
Til I came up with a plan
We'll all push it in together
Together, yes we can

If we all push together (3x)
We can take that boat to sea

We got that boat into the water
But when I tried to nake it go
That thing just went in circles
No matter how much I did row
But when we got it all together
With two oars on either side
We were really cruisin'
We had such a good old ride

When we all row together (3x)
We can take that boat to sea

We came upon an island
And we thought we'd spend the night
Go back home the next day
By the morning light
Now we knew what to do
To bring the boat back onto land
We all grabbed the rope
And pulled together hand in hand

If we all pull together (3x)
We can take that boat to shore